maybe it's the weather..

i get depressed at extreme high and low temperatures..

but what i'm dealing with right now is how am i going to survive 3 days half-alone

what's more in my mind is...i duno..i wanna make new friends but ends up in..nothing. i'd realised i've nothing to offer, really nothing. i've tried again and again "hey let's go out some time." they go "okay." but really they are in their own world. they dun call me out. they rarely reach out. guess they'd be better off without me.

everyone wants to belong to a group of friends to share and enjoy. i still want that. but it doesn't happen to me. perhaps it's because of my lack of confidence or i've known those - in the end - i don't belong to my new friends' perference of interests

i've lost all condfidence in singing too, i can't sing like i used to..perhaps it's bcos i'm pinning my hopes on just one genre only. i hope one day i have the confidence to sing what i wanna sing on stage..

i've too much on my mind perhaps..

?2

according to shops it's the Christmas season

but why don't i feel Christmas-y?

?

it's a big challenge to explain my drawings and poetry to my counsellor cos i've never explained to anyone before. i guess as an artist one has to be able to tell people about your work, perhaps to let them know a little more about yourself.

my counsellor also gave me a book. It was written by a person of a different religion but it's universal. Again i'm challenged by "Catholicism being the deepest and closest ever to God". Every religion has its "exterior" but the core of living seems to echo in similarity from one orthodox religion to another - i understand what he means but i may have misinterpreted from his exact words. i really wonder at that. i dare not join any inter-religious dialouge for fear i may lead myself astray from my own faith. This challenge i have yet to explore more about it, perhaps when i have the time after my exams.

i like it

when i'm free, when i dun have to commit about issues

but there are times when i can't turn a blind eye. it is these times that i ask myself whether i've done the right thing by saying or doing. To which i did the right thing but the way i do is wrong. So that is why i can't do this alone

i just wish this issue's off my hands soon. Really can't run from it. Cos i started it by standing up and fought not for what i stand for but what the Church Stands on

mom's right. i'm in a community. wat i do if i leave? rot ah? not say that they can't live without me..but it seems that i'm the only who learnt much and am taught to stand up against something if it's not alongside with the Church's teaching - as to how and whether it's the right place n time, that's on a case-by-case basis

no matter how hard i try to leave, it seems like the unseen issues of the community gets me forcefully back

not fair...i just want rest...i just dun wan to get involved...but still this issue, somehow it must be addressed

i feel that i'm always the hated one. i wake people up - that's why they hate me. i tell them nicely with the intention for them to be better people or to make situations better for them yet they turn around n "shoot" me. it has come to a point that i'm tired. i just want to live my life on my own without getting involved people whom i dun want to get myself involved in - i want to breathe

perhaps in doing so i may have become selfish for the wrong reasons..eek

i have this..

bad feeling of what my future would be..sigh..as if i'm not rejected enough

humanly, it's impossible

so, aaargh, had to reach out..n Trust..nya..give me time...U Know my plans..

:o

Shimp'-sama only back next Fri....so's ka..

sa, yudan sezu ikou! XD

a no...pray for us too lah X3