slap me

i read Pap's blog - and i thought i felt my heart TUD to the bottom. The lady who was killed in the Mumbai terrorism-hostage was someone from our faith: someone of a someone of a someone whom Paps knew although not personally.

It didn't hit me full force when i read another link which reflected on the sudden news.

Although i don't know the victim, it felt as if i'm close to her, especially when i realised how close she is - in Faith. That made me realise how serious how universal how close how united how warm Roman Catholics here are.

God will always Aid us, even when we are astray, as long as we keep our hearts open and be repentant.

panic

i feel so bad for my mom. She tried so hard in buying Taize CDs for me as i was complaining i do not have the CDs to listen for Taize. The first one she bought didn't have the songs i want. The second one she bought i thought there's a problem with the recording. I was wondering if i could tweak the 'sound' buttons of the CD player. Thank God it sounded so much better.

But I dun understand why when i got the songs i want ended up in solo improvisions n not the original score...

i have no time to figure this Friday's Taize songs..panic..

another mech story

please click here to read, comments please if any :3

a typical conversation

"It's a hassle to push my specs up all the time. I wanna change to contact lens."
"How much is it?"
"$500"
"Just one small action only..(push up specs)"

she's right but i told her of my oily skin problem...so i guess...not that i want to, it has come to a point when i cannot avoid the fact that i have an oily skin problem which my specs - no matter how tight they are - they keep sliding down and now i'm pushing up my new specs more than ever. Let my eyes get used to my new specs first. When i get a job, all works well, den my lenses.

for sure ;)

Cantor...?

just play around with the notes of the verse as i was told ;) i thought i stood tall there..but there's a huge responsibility being singled out..being singled out is not what i like, let alone the responsibility!

what hav i been up to lately..

being cut off got me running on things to do. Fragments of memories here and there but i'd like to think of it as good. My world revovles around my life now. Everytime the same thought pops up i just tell myself i'm chasing my childhood dream, not for anybody else. It does sound selfish but i wasn't aware that i had been linking from one thing to another too much. It took someone to tell me to stop linking n relating that got me to drop links, should we say

yet i still wonder where do i stand now, i'm trying to come to terms in accepting wat i cannot comprehend nor interpret in my own way

but it's true - where's my self-worth now? up til now i haven't thought much about it cos i wasn't aware. As much i would like to lean emotionally but i can't - i'm force to rip myself - like a velcro - away from this search for emotional depend-on

somehow i'll find it - my self-worth. And stand up to all n say, "Hey, i did for myself."

i must never forget

that i must thank God who is the Source of everything

after so long a time of carrying the hurts and pains and thinking about yesterday which was so wonderful i finally teared a little, while listening to a Gregorian Chant which seems to sum and wrap up the affirmation that i had been seeking: that i deserve to be on this earth - i'm not looking up, i'm looking inside

it's not me that's beautiful, it's what's Beautiful that's beautiful

and someday i hope i'm able to see the Beauty within myself - and like my friends - shine

i am thankful for

everything was beyond my control yesterday: lack of sleep, bad mood, time of bus and mrt..

even going to Mass also got problem - bus late

but as i was walking to Church i thought about myself, how lousy i feel and that has got to stop. However how do I think positively?

again i looked at how the green and brown of the trees blend together with the sky. i thought: if green and brown can blend so well in the blue of the sky, why can't i - also of God's creation - blend in too?

aren't i blending in too?!

all the years of negative thinking vanished - all these years of secretly wishing that i can be in the crowd like everyone else is has been answered - i am one in the crowd! like Denise when i told her of my previous problem - when my ex-supervisor had this bad habit of bringing people down with his negative-by-nature remarks in every sentence he spoke - somewhere along the line of "you have every right to be"

*nod* i have the right to be in the crowd and among my companions :)