love

i've always wondered what a marriage is
this teaches me more than that
Be it
Husband Wife
Boyfriend Girlfriend
Besties
Friends
Aquintances
this tells me
what
Love is

disobedience, i paid for it

see, Father says never record his talks. Unfortunately cos my mom's working so she seldoms joins Friday nights so i thought of surprising her with the recording. In the end, i didn't listen carefully to Father's talk, the recording came out bad, worse i offered to transcript for her - n i'm paying the price of transcripting 30 minutes of talktime which i'd only did 6 minutes of it during the past two hours. i'm so dying to give up now cos it's so wrong to transcript i think - n it's really tedious

i've never disobeyed Father before. All along i've been molded by my ex-leaders to obey our Spiritual Director, not matter how ridiculous and outrageous it sounds - as long as it's in accordance to the Bible of course.

Only last night i decided to. Now I'm paying the full price for it.

Morale of the story: NEVER EVER DISOBEY HIM AGAIN

faith

i'd realised the "power" of my voice...it's just that i'm afraid to use it

anyway of all places i - being the paranormal-sensitive one - freaked out in the car when my friends said we're going to Dempsey Road! But surrounded by people with great faith nothing really happened - though i was sensitive in the beginning of the journey

but i perhaps i wasn't feeling well that i puked much later in the toliet - discreetly - and thank goodness for water spray! - the toliet was clean like no one has ever puked in it

i had so much fun and we got into serious life sharing moments - must be the alcohol and the night got a little late

but i still had to pay for my share - a whooping $30 - not easy, cos i'm not earning $ n this month's pretty tight

in the end, good and bad

but it was their faith that i'm impressed and inspired - nothing can harm them

09 July post

was crying while watching Natsume Yuujinchou, feeling Natsume's loneliness and his feelings towards the sad tale of the spirits who came to see him, either for help or just to talk to..it is a lonely world when one can see spirits, people like me would avoid too but because i can sense, so that kinda keeps me "as one" with them

but the reason i cried is because i feel very lonely. i keep asking myself why am i always lonely, no matter how many friends i have, i still want someone tangible to lean on - is it too much to ask?

maybe i can't see now as yet, cause i still feel lonely

i guess until the day i stop crying because of loneliness i'd able to see

Perhaps the hardest thing to block is the "lonely" vibes that i'm giving out because i don't want to attract the wrong energy. But in faith i would prefer leaning to my guardian angel for shielding me - at least that helps me to hang on until i am home for full vibe release - relief siah

after that night's incident it's getting really harder not to ignore that me, as a human, is more aware of spirits co-exisiting on the same earth

「羊ガ...」

all my thoughts of being demanded too much flew out of the window of my mind when i listened to the counting sheep tracks..

in the end..

まい..

i'm at a loss

while searching for jobs i searched for voice talent companies to see if they are recruiting. but again i'd realised it's so professional: demo, about how many minutes (one of them said must have codec?), best get a voice coach to help u out...sigh..

there goes my wish to be an anime-English dubber

i think i'll just head back to sleep, very tired today

lessons learnt

2nd major lesson learnt: never ever disturb the silence within the vicinity of a funeral, no matter how far the distance

it was unintentional. We were looking for a place to jam and the only free spot was metres away from a Chinese funeral. At first i didn't feel good about the place but in my tiredness and really there was no place to sit. So we sit there. The longer i sat there, the more i felt that i had to leave. Again i thought it was my imagination and weakness.

But something did happen. I was really scared out of my wits, even now, as i'm typing.

But after this incident. I learnt 3rd major lesson: i was reminded we are all created in the image and likeness of God thus we shouldn't be afraid - by my good non-Christian friend.

And i learn to be closer to God. Like Saint Paul, no matter what the circumstances are, still he remained steadfast to Jesus. Still he "pursued" the life of holiness.

Still i reach out my hand to Jesus, no matter how fearful i am, no matter how i feel that i'm pulled down further into the the fearful darkness of the paranormal because i believe i will touch the Hand of Jesus and i will allow Jesus to Pull me away from my fear.

I had learnt to thank God more by even updating a ministry website that hasn't been updated for a long time which I keep thinking that no events = no updates. However i remembered that i used to type out Gospel passages to "fill in" when i cannot update any event.

There's a beautiful reflection today about suffering. That i will learn how to carry my cross in silent appreciation and not reject it.

And i'd also realised last night when i came home reflecting that even the smallest sin can seperate us from God, leaving us totally vunerable to anything.

all it took was one night of paranormal encounter which i will not describe but to get out of this fear as soon as possible.

thud

so what am i supposed to do now

---------

Kak's "indifference"..that i thought "is that possible" as she told me

now i finally understood that part

and i'm glad that i'm taught

cos things have changed since a time back..i'm no longer so crazy on anime like i used to, thanks to Muru