i like it

when i'm free, when i dun have to commit about issues

but there are times when i can't turn a blind eye. it is these times that i ask myself whether i've done the right thing by saying or doing. To which i did the right thing but the way i do is wrong. So that is why i can't do this alone

i just wish this issue's off my hands soon. Really can't run from it. Cos i started it by standing up and fought not for what i stand for but what the Church Stands on

mom's right. i'm in a community. wat i do if i leave? rot ah? not say that they can't live without me..but it seems that i'm the only who learnt much and am taught to stand up against something if it's not alongside with the Church's teaching - as to how and whether it's the right place n time, that's on a case-by-case basis

no matter how hard i try to leave, it seems like the unseen issues of the community gets me forcefully back

not fair...i just want rest...i just dun wan to get involved...but still this issue, somehow it must be addressed

i feel that i'm always the hated one. i wake people up - that's why they hate me. i tell them nicely with the intention for them to be better people or to make situations better for them yet they turn around n "shoot" me. it has come to a point that i'm tired. i just want to live my life on my own without getting involved people whom i dun want to get myself involved in - i want to breathe

perhaps in doing so i may have become selfish for the wrong reasons..eek

i have this..

bad feeling of what my future would be..sigh..as if i'm not rejected enough

humanly, it's impossible

so, aaargh, had to reach out..n Trust..nya..give me time...U Know my plans..

:o

Shimp'-sama only back next Fri....so's ka..

sa, yudan sezu ikou! XD

a no...pray for us too lah X3

i feel

i'm going crazy

i dun wan commitments, i hate them for now..perhaps it's because i think people are putting obligations on me when actually they are not - i have the right to choose how i want to react - or whether i want to react to any unseen obligation

friendship can be a burden when someone puts an obligation on me

and smses...i'm not really keen on them right now...maybe bcos i need the time to focus on my exam

i'm rushing myself too much

St John Vianney @ Church of the Holy Cross Singapore

http://www.serrasingapore.org/event_Y4PHC_Oct09.html

you need to scroll down to "Year For Priests @ Holy Cross Programmes" to see the programmes

Church of the Holy Cross
450 Clementi Avenue 1
Singapore 129955
Tel 67775858
Fax 67735676

counselling

only takes place when there's a significant change in my life...which i'm struggling to come to terms with it. i'm really forced out of my comfort zone into many unknown n struggling zones which will lead ultimately to the worst non-comfort zone - something that i wish it'll never happen..but somehow i've to come to terms with it..yet i wish it wouldn't happen

it's been

long since i blog here

i'd realised i can do so many very basic things without thinking - very naturally

it was then i remembered that my counsellor told me that my basic mechanisms had been seriously affected by the many traumas that i'd gone through

it was counselling that helped me to realise things, even Coffee Bean and morning snacks. There are many more things that i'd realised

but most amazingly is that i could do basic things so naturally that i wonder if it's true, that i start doubting myself. but it's the truth that i can now

i'm like a baby starting to crawl..