today

Benny called, asked me if i'm going. i said no cos i'm still coughing. And he's off home for two weeks. Nice of him to call. But i was peeved - cos i was ready to quit - why borther me? And i'm outside with two of my good pals yakking n listening to nothing but what i love most - anime-related stuffs

i told my mom. She pushed me even further - she wanted me to go. It's true. If i can go out in the day even when i'm sick, why can't i continue to go at night?

what's there for me? i thought. Off i went. Couldn't find a cab. As time passed, i'd realised i was calm in a more focused n quiet disposition. i managed to have a few-lines-conversation with the taxi driver

not long after i was back on my feet: doing what i do last year: so-called conducting. This time there are people watched my hand as they sing, nice. i'm coughing - i didn't sound like i had one. All i can say is: Divine Intervention?

The more i sang, the more i enjoyed, the more i like. And i was glad i came. Cos i learn valuable lessons about life. Absence renewed my being for being there.

And i even got to talk to the guest speaker and even asked him about his music influences and i managed to tell him mine! He said, "Good choice" something like that. Wow. To hear that from a pro - blown away.

And i got a book with a title that shook the very life out of me - how in the world Gor knows i need that?! It's like he's called to give that book to me!

And even more, i said yes to singing for an event! Jazz genre!!! wow!!! so looking forward to it!!!

glad to say - tadaitma - i'm home

and i'll not quit unless circumstances force me to

and i'll not thinking about quitting

so many times i try to leave yet i'm being called back again and again - something tells me i'm stuck with these two ministries for a long time

yet i'm aware of my own weakness which i'm so not willing to give up, it has to stop one day, but..i just want a bit of what i want..yet holding on cos that's what i need

when i was walking

just be alone

be it then

these words etched in my mind

as i complained to God how alone i was as i was walking

those words spoke

i felt better

i thought i could stand with these words that day but i realised i can't, cos i'd realised how much i'm lacking in their midst - i finally understood why i shouldn't be there that day - but since they were busy among themselves and/or they dun mind so i guess i shouldn't push myself too hard either. i'll try to remind myself to ask if i'm not sure