it's been

long since i blog here

i'd realised i can do so many very basic things without thinking - very naturally

it was then i remembered that my counsellor told me that my basic mechanisms had been seriously affected by the many traumas that i'd gone through

it was counselling that helped me to realise things, even Coffee Bean and morning snacks. There are many more things that i'd realised

but most amazingly is that i could do basic things so naturally that i wonder if it's true, that i start doubting myself. but it's the truth that i can now

i'm like a baby starting to crawl..

must

totally guilty of what i've done..Confession is a must

i told God too, that if i can't find a jpb within this period of time it means that i've failed my previous subject. Somehow i feel that if i pass i wouldn't be satisfied, cos i dun think i did my best for it

but if i pass it'll be good, less one subject. Cos this current subject isn't as easy as i'd thought it'd be

another one..

the earth just lost one of its good servants

from the time i was running around til he was still around to a certain extend i kinda miss him. To me cancer didn't take him down but it was God who Decided that it was Time for him to go back Home

We miss u, we pray with u as u walk on the final journey

Always remembered

bye Fr R

din get to say goodbye to Fr Renckens..his passing passed me by, i wasn't informed. i was only informed of a extremely popular Priest's situation

being a kid i couldn't remember Fr Renckens much. All i could remember was the usual weekends where normally he would celebrate Mass. Come to think of it, i can't remember if i had even went to him for Confession

but what struck me was that in February this year he already knew his "Way of the Cross" had begun! Does that mean he knew he was going to 'go'?! However being not a frequent goer to where Fr was based i didn't know anything about his ailment until a (very) later time because he was still moving around although with a little hobble over to another Church and spoke like any ordinary day from the pulpit - not long after his serious operation - or was it operationS?! *faint*

As months passed cancer had confined him to bed, his journey was ever more painful and his request for prayers grew even more frequent..as if he knew he was going but it was just a matter of time..?

i thought he was alright and my days hadn't been easy for me too so i din check the forum. It was Paps' blog which i'd always surf by that i learnt of Fr R's passing. Surfed by the forum - ah, he passed away last Fri and there was a memorial service with visitations days before the service

i feel terrible not being able to know anything but somehow am in the comfort that Father may know that there's this one soul who's earnestly praying and thinking of him. And maybe this passed me by maybe because to remind me that his journey's not over yet? That he still needs prayers before he could look down at us from Heaven - and perhaps remember this soul that used to play with the animals in the - "farm" - as i call it still remembers him

thus my tribute to Fr R

remember
much
i cannot
yet absence
hurts in my heart

sadly missed by all
fondly spoken by all
but i know you'll look down at us
in Heaven
where you stand tall X3

love

i've always wondered what a marriage is
this teaches me more than that
Be it
Husband Wife
Boyfriend Girlfriend
Besties
Friends
Aquintances
this tells me
what
Love is

disobedience, i paid for it

see, Father says never record his talks. Unfortunately cos my mom's working so she seldoms joins Friday nights so i thought of surprising her with the recording. In the end, i didn't listen carefully to Father's talk, the recording came out bad, worse i offered to transcript for her - n i'm paying the price of transcripting 30 minutes of talktime which i'd only did 6 minutes of it during the past two hours. i'm so dying to give up now cos it's so wrong to transcript i think - n it's really tedious

i've never disobeyed Father before. All along i've been molded by my ex-leaders to obey our Spiritual Director, not matter how ridiculous and outrageous it sounds - as long as it's in accordance to the Bible of course.

Only last night i decided to. Now I'm paying the full price for it.

Morale of the story: NEVER EVER DISOBEY HIM AGAIN

faith

i'd realised the "power" of my voice...it's just that i'm afraid to use it

anyway of all places i - being the paranormal-sensitive one - freaked out in the car when my friends said we're going to Dempsey Road! But surrounded by people with great faith nothing really happened - though i was sensitive in the beginning of the journey

but i perhaps i wasn't feeling well that i puked much later in the toliet - discreetly - and thank goodness for water spray! - the toliet was clean like no one has ever puked in it

i had so much fun and we got into serious life sharing moments - must be the alcohol and the night got a little late

but i still had to pay for my share - a whooping $30 - not easy, cos i'm not earning $ n this month's pretty tight

in the end, good and bad

but it was their faith that i'm impressed and inspired - nothing can harm them