i must never forget

that i must thank God who is the Source of everything

after so long a time of carrying the hurts and pains and thinking about yesterday which was so wonderful i finally teared a little, while listening to a Gregorian Chant which seems to sum and wrap up the affirmation that i had been seeking: that i deserve to be on this earth - i'm not looking up, i'm looking inside

it's not me that's beautiful, it's what's Beautiful that's beautiful

and someday i hope i'm able to see the Beauty within myself - and like my friends - shine

i am thankful for

everything was beyond my control yesterday: lack of sleep, bad mood, time of bus and mrt..

even going to Mass also got problem - bus late

but as i was walking to Church i thought about myself, how lousy i feel and that has got to stop. However how do I think positively?

again i looked at how the green and brown of the trees blend together with the sky. i thought: if green and brown can blend so well in the blue of the sky, why can't i - also of God's creation - blend in too?

aren't i blending in too?!

all the years of negative thinking vanished - all these years of secretly wishing that i can be in the crowd like everyone else is has been answered - i am one in the crowd! like Denise when i told her of my previous problem - when my ex-supervisor had this bad habit of bringing people down with his negative-by-nature remarks in every sentence he spoke - somewhere along the line of "you have every right to be"

*nod* i have the right to be in the crowd and among my companions :)